Thursday, April 30, 2009

bigger dreams and bigger wings...

i have decided that i am probably one of the worst bloggers ever! i have not written anything since january... wow! i promise i will try and write more often. But who knows how many people actually read this anyway?

so alot has happened and developed over the past few months. i started working for a company that works with another company which deals with internet marketing. my particular company is the call center which calls on the leads from the online ads. i am not on the phones, i work as an assistant for the three guys who run the place. its kind of an interesing place, and there are definitely some characters who work there (if you love people watching then you would love it here!). its not my dream job at all, being someone's assistant gets pretty old. sometimes i get frustrated because besides the HR girl, i am usually the only female in upper management; its very easy to feel like people talk down to me. but i just brush things off and do my work. it is a great opportunity for now, but i cant wait until i find my dream job down the road. someday i will be writing great things ( i hope!).

besides my job, i have tried to date a few boys. lets just say i am completely frustrated with my dating life! honestly, how can i expect to find a boy who will love and respect me if he doesnt even have any for himself? i tried dating one guy (who will remain nameless) and he put up this incredible front: sunday school teacher, college grad, sweet, charming.. etc. anyway turns out he was great at lying and had many awful skeletons lining his closet.

i recently met a great guy, who came with alot of great feedback from mutual friends. turns out he sucks too. (he liked to talk trash on our mutual friends, and be judgemental about everything.) i have just come to the conclusion that maybe its going to be harder than i thought to find someone that im completely compatible with. these two guys were great for certain things, and i definitely came away from both experiences realizing things that i do and dont want in a companion.

sometimes it feels like this is such a long road that im walking on to find someone, but i need to remind myself to step back and realize that i am still very young. people in utah have this annoying idea that girls need to be married when they are 19, while to the rest of the world this seems so young. now im not bashing at all, for some people it is right to get married young. look at my sister heather for example, she found her soulmate and married him when she was 20, and that worked for her, and they are one of the happiest couples i know. but there are some girls, like me, obviously, that are not meant to get married that young. perhaps i have more to experience and learn before i am ready to be with my soulmate. or maybe im waiting around for him to get his act together, (and in that case hurry up im gettin sick of waiting around!) i had this conversation recently with two of my girlfriends, one is 27 and the other is 24; we were wondering why everyone wonders why we are not married if we are over the age of 20 and in utah. my friend who is 24 said something that really stuck with me, which is a quote that her dad had told her: "some people just have bigger wings and bigger dreams and are not meant to be tied down until they are ready to stop flying alone".

i feel like im ready to stop flying alone, but ill just have to keep riding this current until a new ones takes me. i have been having alot of fun with my friends, and i have taken several trips down to mesa arizona. i love that town, it would be so fun to live there. sometimes i think about making a change and going there, but not yet, im not ready! my sister and her husband and super-adorable baby went to baltimore for the summer (sadness...) and i am so excited to go visit them in a little over a month! besides that, i have a few california weekend trips planned to see some of my boy friends who are doing summer sales. i have a good feeling about the next few months, i feel like this could be one of the best summers of my life. i know i complain alot of dating, but honestly life. is. good. i am so blessed and i know i can overlook that sometimes.

heather me and baby calvin... i LOVE them!! (this is right when i got back from mexico for spring break, thats why i am so tan)

me kim erika and stephanie goin boatin during our most recent trip to mesa (it is 90 degrees.. soo nice! i cant wait for summer!)

brit jensen, shawna, and me at the hare krishna festival of colors in springville. its a hindu tradition that signifies the beginning of spring! it was so fun, we all threw colored powder at each other for over an hour. lets just say i had purple snot for 2 days!

this was from our most recent trip to mesa, this is some of our "family" of friends starting from top left: steph, britt, adam "pooch", james, andrea, van, kim; bottom left: erika, mike, me, jesse